The Axis of the Earth is the Reason for the Season

It's that time of year again.

Time for right-wingers with megaphones to revive the nonsense that there's a "Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Christian Holiday."

Time to whip devout Christians into paranoia; into the feeling that they are under attack.

And I, for some reason, am caught by surprise every year when this canard comes around. My surprise is probably because I don't know anyone personally who would fall for this lie.

It turns out that I do. I woman I know from high school reposted this standard copy-and-paste version of the "Keep Christ in Christmas" counter-attack to the non-existent attack.

I've converted the all-caps Facebook status into readable text.

Do not care if this does offend someone… this is what I believe… I am sick and tired of every year when Christmas comes around; there are people who want to take Christ out of Christmas because it might offend someone… Well, how about all of the Christians?... What about offending us because you are taking our Christ out... of Christmas?...Christ is Christmas!...If you aren't celebrating Christ then why are you celebrating?...Christmas is about the birth of our savior!...Christmas is one of a few holidays left that celebrate "my" Christ!...Leave "my" holiday alone!...And tell everyone merry Christmas, not happy holidays!...Re-post if you’re not ashamed.. Jesus is the reason for the season !!!

First of all, if you are being asked to repost a statement (i.e. Facebook status) that is in ALL-CAPS, that should be your first clue that the statement is crackpotty to begin with. It's surprising how many people don't know this already.

My response (shown in the screen shot above) was this:

Every year there are people who claim there's an effort to "take Christ out of Christmas." There is no such effort. All that happens is that a lot of people get upset and regurgitate the false claim. The reason some people say "Happy Holidays" is because it is arrogant to assume that everyone you meet is a Christian -- or to imply that everyone should be one. When you do not know the faith (if any) of the person to whom you are speaking, then saying "Happy Holidays" saves you seeming presumptuous or ignorant. If that doesn't bother you, Merry Christmas. The axis of the earth is the reason for the season. Re-post if you get it now.

I hovered over the Return key on my keyboard for a good minute before I left that comment, thinking it might be too mean; too strident. After all, this high school friend and I haven't spoken in 30 years -- haven't even exchanged Facebook hellos. But I remember her as a sweet and inoffensive woman. I hit Return anyway, and then said hello, awkwardly.

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Update: A friend of the original re-poster chimed in with support for the "Keep Christ in Christmas" argument. I'll call him "Crusader." An interesting dialogue ensued.

I didn't feel like it was going to get anywhere. I'd kind of resolved to bow out gracefully regardless of where Crusader wanted to take it. But then he beat me to it. If you read between the lines, he even admitted to a bit of religious arrogance.

A miracle?

'I need a booger wipe'

The point of view of this photo is from a table I was sharing with Chuck Cheesman on the patio at Flagstaff Brewing Co.

The event described below lasted about four seconds beginning from point (A) when it caught my attention.

A young man makes a parkour leap over the patio fence (A). He zigzags past other people on the patio towards the door of the bar (B) loudly announcing, "I need a booger wipe." As though on cue, a hand extends from inside the door offering a paper napkin. The traceur turns, and in a few steps, bounds over the fence again (C), transitions smoothly to a waiting skateboard (D) and disappears to the left.

My Friday evening.

A Dog, A Fence, A Dumbass Idea

This is a photo of our neighbor's dog. Her name is Raley (rhymes with Staley).

A couple of weeks ago, it was a beautiful Flagstaff afternoon, and we were trying to enjoy our new patio, cook a dinner on the grill, and eat outdoors. But Raley kept barking at us. Not just us, but at anything that caught her attention.

I'm pretty sure she was just lonely and anxious. But she prompted a discussion between all of the adults on our side of the fence.

Should we move indoors? Should we try to enjoy ourselves anyway, and not let the dog force us to change our plans? Should someone try to calm Raley down with some softly spoken words at the fence?

There were three adults in this conversation, my wife, her ex-husband, and me. The ex and I were lamenting the loss of civil neighborly communication on our society. We groused that, for many people, the first course of action would be hostility of some kind, such as calling the police.

We weren't that kind of people that would do that, dammit.

In fact, if the tables were turned, we'd appreciate knowing if one of our neighbors was being disturbed by our dog. Furthermore, we wouldn't mind it at all if, in our absence, a neighbor were to take matters into their own hands to keep our dog quiet, provided it were done in a caring way.

So, over my wife's dissent, we decided that the right thing to do would be for me --me-- to climb the fence, offer Raley a piece of sausage, and throw it through the doggie door. Once Raley was inside, I'd block the door with something to keep her inside.

Our hearts are in the right place. What could go wrong.

I'm not afraid of dogs, really. Everything went as planned. I climbed over the fence. Raley was very interested in the sausage, and not particularly bothered that I was in her yard. Raley went through the doggie door after the sausage as though she were in on the plan.

I grabbed a folding patio chair off my neighbors patio, and returned to the doggie door to use the chair as a barricade. And there, watching me from inside, was my neighbor.

She's a college student. She'd just come home.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

Suddenly this seemed like a really stupid plan.

I explained our predicament, and how we'd thought it all through, and were convinced it's what they would have wanted us to do.

Finally I asked, "Do you mind if I just get out of your yard now, and climb back over to my side of the fence?"

Please don't hate me. I'm really a very good neighbor. If I were a dog, my tail would have been between my legs.

A week later, Raley was watching us in silence from her side of the fence. An almost creepy, stalker-like silence.

We noticed that Raley was wearing a no-bark collar. I'm not sure whether I should feel celebratory or remorseful. I did, after all, get what I wanted. I'm just not sure if I got it the right way, or if it was the right solution to the problem.

I tried to imagine the dog adjusting to this new collar.

Woof! Ouch! Woof! Ouch! What the bark is this?

I'm actually trying to feel bad about it. But, damn, the peace in my backyard today sure has been nice.